6 Myths About Adoption

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By Rachel Bell

Adoption can be a difficult and complicated subject, made more difficult by common myths about the process. Because adoption is one of the options available when facing an unplanned pregnancy, our Bella advocates are there to provide information and answer questions about adoption during an Options Consultation. Here are six of the myths we hear most often in those conversations, and their answers.

Myth #1: Adopted kids are unhappy

While “happiness” is a difficult factor to quantify, and every person and situation is different, studies show that the “miserable adoptee” stereotype is just that— a stereotype. Take this study, for example, which shows adopted kids scoring higher in areas such as caring, social competency, connectedness, and optimism. Or look at the 2007 report on adoption from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which found that adopted children are more likely to have health insurance, and more likely to be read to every day. There are also countless famous, successful people who were adopted— Steve Jobs, Halle Berry, Nancy Reagan, or former president Gerald Ford, to name a few. There are no guarantees in life, but adopted children are often well-adjusted, content, successful, and secure.

Myth #2: Adoption is cruel because there are too many kids in foster care already

Foster care is different from adoption— foster care is a temporary arrangement for a child, while adoption is permanent. If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and you decide on adoption, your child can be placed into a stable, loving home shortly after birth, without going into the foster system. In fact, according to American Adoptions, there are up to 36 waiting couples for every baby available for adoption!  If adoption is the right path for you, there are many willing, responsible, loving couples ready to care for your child.

Myth #3: I won’t be able to have a relationship with my child

There are lots of different adoption plans to fit your needs and desires. You can choose closed, semi-open, or open adoption plans. An open plan would allow you to visit and develop a relationship with your child if you choose. Bella and your chosen adoption agency can help you go over the different types of adoption and choose the perfect plan for you!

Myth #4: Adoption is too expensive

While it is unfortunately expensive to adopt a child, many adoption agencies provide their services at no cost to the birth parents. Some adoption agencies are even able to help with medical and living expenses while you make your adoption plan— and of course, there is no charge for Bella’s consultations or referrals either. You do not need to have money to choose this option for yourself and your child!

Myth #5: I won’t have any control over who raises my child

Many adoption agencies allow you to choose from a selection of potential parents who meet their standards. These standards are high— people who want to adopt must go through a filtering process that is full of assessments. Out of these, many agencies allow you to hand-pick a couple you feel most comfortable with as the future parents of your child. Some agencies even provide the option to select a friend or relative as the adoptive parent. With the many options now available, you have the power to make choices regarding your adoption plan.

Myth #6: “Giving up” my child is selfish and irresponsible

Adoption isn’t giving up a child; it’s giving to a child! We understand that you might not feel financially or mentally ready to be a parent. If you feel that adoption is right for you and your baby, you are making the selfless decision to give your child the best possible life you can provide. Through the adoptive parents you choose, you are providing stability, resources, and care. It’s normal to feel scared or conflicted, but you are not selfish or irresponsible. Adoption can be a giving option; not only to a child, but also to a couple who is longing to love! Don’t let self-defeating thoughts keep you from whatever decision you feel is right.

Of course, just because you can’t provide everything an adoptive family could doesn’t mean you aren’t the best person to raise your child. In the end, only you can determine what is best. Adoption is not an easy choice to make— but for some women, it is the most fitting and fulfilling choice. At Bella, we are here to give you all the information you need to decide if adoption is the right choice for you—and if it is, we’ll help you through the process, answer your questions, and refer you to the perfect agency so you can create a plan. You are strong, and you are not alone!

Real-Life Wonder Women

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Figure 1: Gal Gadot in “Wonder Woman” (image from Warner Bros. Pictures)

DC’s new film Wonder Woman has been a box-office hit, grossing $100.5 million its opening weekend (making it the biggest-ever opening for a female director!), and for good reason. This version of Wonder Woman is an inspiring superhero, showing strength, love, and forgiveness. But did you know that her actress, Gal Gadot, is a powerhouse in real life, as well?

Gal Gadot is an Israeli actress, model, and former soldier—and a mother to two beautiful daughters. Gadot filmed much of Wonder Woman while pregnant with her second daughter Maya. During a re-shoot of one scene, she was five months into her pregnancy. The filmmakers got creative, cutting out a section of her iconic costume and putting a bright green cloth over Gadot’s belly—to be edited post-production in the same way filmmakers use green screen. According to Entertainment Weekly, director Patty Jenkins commented that “we will be able to tell [Gal Gadot’s] [new] daughter Maya that she’s in her mom’s stomach right then, in the middle of that battle scene.” Gal, her husband, and her firstborn daughter Alma welcomed little Maya in March.

In our culture, it is often implied that women are incapable of accomplishing their dreams because of their season of life. Women are underestimated and criticized in all kinds of circumstances. If a woman chooses to dedicate herself to a career, she is seen as selfish or too ambitious— but if she dedicates herself to a family and decides to be a homemaker, she’s seen as weak and not ambitious enough. And women who decide they want both a family and a career are told they can’t possibly do it all— they are seen as “less than” in both of their passions. More and more, however, inspiring women like Gal Gadot are rising up to show the world that women can shine in any season— that all vocations require a type of strength and power which every woman has inside. By the love she pours into motherhood and career, Gadot honors and elevates both, empowering women of all walks of life.

Professional ballerina Mary Helen Bowers is another example of a woman who displays the potential and power of femininity— she continued to dance and teach through all nine months of her pregnancy. Bowers is also a business owner— she runs the fitness company Ballet Beautiful, which leads ballet-inspired workouts for women. She made headlines in 2013 with her gorgeous dance photos, posted on her Instagram account balletbeautiful, that embraced her changing body through her pregnancy. “I’ve really been amazed by how active I’ve been able to be and how much my body has been able to do,” Today.com quotes her as saying. “It’s a beautiful time. You feel connected to your body on a level like never before.” Talk about “body positivity!”

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Figure 2: Image from Today.com

Gadot and Bowers refuse to be told that they can’t choose to pursue their careers and embrace pregnancy at the same time. Women don’t have to fit into boxes— take Sister Noella Marcellino, a nun with a PhD in microbiology, as another example; or Amy Purdy, a double-amputee, award-winning snowboarder, and entrepreneur. All of these women show the world the wonder, strength, and capacity of womanhood, providing a tangible example for young girls that they really can do and be anything they can imagine— whether that’s a mother, a dancer, an actress, a soldier, a doctor, or all of the above!

5 Things Every Woman Needs to Know When Facing an Unexpected Pregnancy

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A positive pregnancy test can rock your world. It’s normal to feel anxious, and it’s normal to have questions. Here are five key things to remember in that moment.

  1. Pause

According to Psychology Today, anxiety disables neurons in your prefrontal cortex—the area of your brain responsible for planning, weighing consequences, and making decisions. For most women, an unplanned pregnancy brings an initial wave of anxiety. Give yourself time to breathe, to think, and to talk with people who can help you. No decision should be made because of pressure—whether that pressure comes from anxiety or from other people, who may try to influence you towards a decision that they think is best, but which you may be unable to weigh for yourself in the moment. You don’t have to know what to do or even what to feel right away. It takes time to calm the initial shock, explore all your options, and make sound judgments.

 

  1. Confirm Your Pregnancy

Although at-home pregnancy tests are fairly accurate in measuring HcG hormone, recent studies have shown that approximately 30% of all early pregnancies end in natural miscarriage. Before proceeding with any next step, you need to know whether you actually have a viable pregnancy—a pregnancy that will continue. The only way to confirm a viable pregnancy is at a medical clinic via ultrasound. Ultrasounds can also accurately date a pregnancy, which can factor into what options are available for you. At Bella, we provide free ultrasound testing to confirm your pregnancy and tell you how far along you are. Our staff is here to give you the best possible medical and confidential care.

 

  1. You Have Options

Women facing unplanned pregnancies often feel trapped or powerless.  It’s crucial to realize that you have choices! At Bella, one of the most important services we provide is our “Options Consultation.” During an Options Consultation, you are able to sit down with a trained advocate one-on-one and discuss, in detail, the options available to you. We are here to go over abortion, adoption, parenting, and new, little-known options such as Holding Time. Holding Time is a non-profit organization that connects an expectant mother to a loving family that will care for her child for no cost during the first year of his or her life, while she secures the needed support systems (and stays connected to her child and the caretakers). Bella can help you learn about this and all of your other options.

 

  1. Seek Out the Best Resources

According to the Guttmacher Institute, 73% of women who terminated their pregnancies reported that “not being able to afford a child” was a primary concern. At Bella, we are committed to connecting women with the support they need. Whether a woman needs housing, clothing, food, or gas, we contact sources and provide an abundance of caring referrals. When you come into Bella, we provide holistic care and make sure all of your needs are met always at no cost.

 

  1. You Are Not Alone

You might feel as if you can’t tell your family, your partner, or your friends about your pregnancy. You might feel isolated, and that you have no place to go. At Bella Women’s Center, we’ve made it our mission to be there for you in this time; before, during, and after your decision. Everyone needs a positive support system, and that is exactly what Bella’s trained advocates provide.

Unplanned Pregnancy?

Did you just realize you’re pregnant? Is it unplanned or unexpected?

Are you wondering about your options?

If you’re looking for abortion information, schedule an appointment by calling 855-552-3552. At your appointment, a trained Patient Advocate will review all your options including abortion, adoption, and parenting. Your Advocate and our trained medical staff will provide you abortion facts tailored to your situation based on the medical testing we provide. You will have time to process the details of your circumstance in a safe and neutral setting with your Advocate if you want.

Here’s what a patient said earlier this year about our service: “Everything from the phone calls to just getting information to the onsite visit was great. Everyone was very helpful and kind. Left with a lot of information.”

Because we don’t provide abortion services or refer for them, we don’t profit from your decision!

At Bella Women’s Center, we empower women to write their own stories!

Your Needs Come First at Bella

At Bella Women’s Center, you’re so much more than a patient number or a name on a medical file. You’re the reason we exist. 

We know your situation is as unique as your fingerprint, and our goal is to offer services that are tailored to your individual needs.

Our priority is serving women facing unplanned pregnancies with excellent medical services and personalized options assessments. 

A patient last month reviewed Bella giving us five stars and saying: “My experience here was better than at any other medical facility. Everyone was nice & made me comfortable.”

We’d love to have the privilege of serving you if you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy. Call 855.552.3552 to schedule an appointment. 

Think you might be pregnant?

Think you might be pregnant? Is it an unplanned pregnancy?

Whether you missed a period or just started feeling nauseated before you took the test that came out positive, you might not be sure how you feel about this pregnancy. The good news is that no matter how unsure you feel about being pregnant, Bella Women’s Center can help.

How can we help?

We offer vital information about your pregnancy that you need before you make any decisions, and we provide free options counseling that will empower you to make the best decision for you. Best of all, we don’t profit from any decision you make.

What free medical services do we offer that you need in order to make a good decision?

• Clinical-grade pregnancy test

• Ultrasound – once you have a positive pregnancy test, an ultrasound will verify that the pregnancy is viable and will date it, so you can be fully informed about your options.

• STI testing – an active infection can cause complications if you choose to terminate, so this free service is critical.

At Bella, we want to empower women to make the best choice for their situation. Call 1.855.552.3552 to schedule an appointment.